September 4th, 2006

A Gossip Columnist’s Life

I apologise for the break in transmission but something very strange happened when I was trying to update the website in beautiful downtown Port Fairy, Victoria and I discovered it was better to wait for my return. (There is hot news in that seaside resort, by the way with the recently awarded chef from Portofino - the fine dining restaurant there - about to jump ship to take over ye olde Merrijig Inn). Expect this establishment to be transformed overnight into a property worthy of a listing in a Relais & Chateau guide. This time next year, it will be overun by Louis Vuitton’ luggage-toting bon vivants. Watch out. They will only be interested in food and travel writers at the 2007 ‘book fair - or perhaps listening oreally rich and successful novelists.

Still it was a lot of fun talking about my first novel, Gossip and giving the rundown on my life as a gossip columnist. I am pleased to say that it was a sellout event in the Wishart Gallery and everyone was keen for me to answer all the questions that had been puzzling them for yonks: Is Jennifer still in love with Brad Pitt ? and Will Tom Cruise’s baby, Suri ever make an appearance on Oprah? Search me.
However I did try to convey what it’s like to be a gossip columnist - to be regularly threatened by major bullies and by others including Paul Keating who once conveyed that he was prepared to to sue my “skinny white arse off'’. (At the time, I thanked him deeply for saying that my rear end wasn’t flabby). I’ll take any compliment I can get. Anyway, the talk and the book fair was a huge success (thanks to the hard work of Roger Borrell and his hard working committee). On the way back to Melbourne behind the wheel of the cool Saab 9-3 Convertible that I had borrowed for the occasion, a girlfriend called and read my out a text message from model agent Martin Walsh saying that my Sunday Telegraph column’ had resulted in his entire family including daughter Montana being reduced to floods of tears. “My witchcraft had worked'’. Now I wonder what all that was about? I’ve never been called a witch before but it certainly looks like it’s business as usual. .. .

A slightly flushed Martin Walsh with Megan Gale

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